When an Ultra-Orthodox Icon is Revealed as a Sexual Predator
Some facts and thoughts following the Chaim Walder affair
The ultra-Orthodox and Orthodox communities are in complete shock. Haim Walder, a prominent children’s author and educator committed suicide following recent accusations of sexual abuse. His books can be found in nearly every ultra-Orthodox home and in quite a few modern orthodox ones.
His best-selling books told inspiring and emotional stories of characters who speak openly about their problems and emotions. Children, including myself “grew” up reading his books.
We must ask ourselves - How could this have happened? Why was nothing done to stop him sooner? How can it be that some communities chose to ignore or downplay the abuse allegations and suicide? How can go on trusting anyone? How can we protect our children?
Here are some thought I have following this tragic affair:
1) No community is safe
Statistically sexual abuse occurs in all sectors in similar percentages. In the secular sector, however, more victims turn to the police. In that case they must confront the offender. Proving the charge of abuse is very difficult. Unfortunately, most cases are closed due to lack of evidence and abusers are not even charged.
In the ultra-Orthodox / religious sector there is even more secrecy, silence, and shame. Contacting law enforcement is done even less. In some cases a private forum/ court hears the cases and works to keep the offender away from children / women.
This case for example, was revealed to the public only recently when a secular newspaper reported allegations from several women of sexual assault committed by Walder. Afterwards, 22 more victims brought their case before a rabbinical court. The court heard testimony that Walder had sexually abused women, girls, and boys over a period of twenty five years.
2) No other choice but to involve law enforcement
Most of the times in these communities, the victims chose not to press any charges or bring forth any allegation. Obviously I can’t blame or judge these victims in any way, but this enables the predator to continue without being stopped. The inside “forums” do what they can to prevent cases, but obviously they can’t and shouldn’t replace law enforcement. Victims must realize how critical it is that they do speak up.
“The best friend of an abuser is silence”
~Rabbi Dovid Gottlieb
3) How can we protect our kids?
Sexual abuse destroys the soul irreparably, especially when the victims are of a young age.
How can we protect our children?
- Teach your child about boundaries- Your child should know that their body is their own. Never keep a secret that is to never be revealed to their parents.
- Teach your child how to talk about their bodies- They should know the names of their body parts.
- Open dialogue with you child about abusers — “It can be someone you know (85% of cases are!), they may tell you not to tell your parents, they may promise you gifts, always tell us, whatever happens it is not your fault.“
- Parental presence- during any appointment with a professional, any sleepover, or any extra curricular, always make sure there is a parental presence.
- Be wary of charismatic characters — friends or educational figures.
- Prefer a female babysitter/ therapist- unfortunately, 97% of sex offenses are committed by a man.
4) What else can we do?
- Believe and support the victims - victims more than anything need people to believe them and they need support. There are many amazing non-profit organizations that supports such causes.
- Speak more to your kids about it.
- Learn more about how to protect your children.
5) Possible waves of change?
Big cases stirs up emotions. They light up more similar incidents. This is a case that cannot be ignored.
Hopefully this will lead to speaking up more in future cases. Realizing that involving law enforcement is critical. Parents and kids must become more aware. No more silencing.
Sources- wikipedia, Tahel organization, Articles — [1][2][3][4][5][6]
