Introducing The Yemima Method

Yemima Avital’s(1929–1999) z”l unique spiritual approach combining psychology and kabbalah that continues to influence thousands of Israelis

I spent the last year learning “Shitat Yemima” (=Yemima Method) in a group on a weekly basis. In every session, the group leader dictates a paragraph out of one of Yemima’s teachings. Her students recorded it in their notebooks and now teach it to others. The group then tries to understand the meaning of the paragraph, frequently obscure and not completely coherent. Participants are usually asked for their personal understanding and relevance to their lives reflected from the paragraph. Throughout the class, women share examples and lessons they learnt from their daily lives in real life situations they faced in their workplaces and with their spouses and children etc…

The purpose of the method is to be able to stay emotionally stable in the face of life events; To recognize your place and sense of self worth in this world. Although my husband claims he doesn’t feel any difference :), I know I’ve changed. I feel more self aware and closer to my true self. I’d like to share a few of the basics of “Shitat Yemima” (=Yemima Method) with you, explaining some of its unique terminology and principles:

• Distinguish between the “lomedet”(=learner; aware observing self) and the “girl”- In our childhood we acquired some unconscious behavioral defense mechanisms that helped us cope with our environment. Perhaps we weren’t given the proper warmth and unconditional love we needed from our parents or our environment. Those behaviors are still influencing us today. When we react with those defense mechanisms we are giving the helpless girl within who feels unworthy and powerless a sense of power(albeit false). While helping us cope with situations in our past today our self aware self “lomedet” (=learner) no longer needs those defense mechanisms.
• Recognize the girl and understand her- Throughout the day if you feel angry, stressed, helpless or any feeling that is bringing you down and making you feel unbalanced and unhappy, you can immediately recognize it is coming from the girl within. These feelings are called “omess” (=strain). After recognizing the girl within, ask yourself : What exactly am I feeling, what is lying behind this feeling? Usually the underlying pain has to do with our sense of unworthiness. We then feel compassion towards this helpless girl and give her the warmth and sense of worthiness she is lacking and needs. For example- you are very angry because your family members left an extremely messy house. You then recognize the girl who has taken you away from your sense of balance and peace. Why are you angry? what is the underlying pain? I’m not appreciated, I’m not valued, no one sees me. Remind the girl she is loved and valued and she no longer needs to use those defense mechanism behaviors she needed to use in the past.
• Accept the girl - Don’t fight the girl, don’t be angry with her, just feel compassion for her. A lot of energy is usually spent trying to fight the girl: being angry or disappointed with our actions. We are angry when we let the girl within use defense mechanisms and take control over us. Don’t try and brush her aside. The faster you become aware of her, learn to understand and accept her, she’ll appear less frequently for shorter periods of time, and you’ll be able to be focused more and more on your true essence (“mahut”).
• Exaggerating(“hafraza”) and absenting oneself (“hachsara”)- Another way to recognize the girl within and her mechanism is to take a look at our personal character traits. Are we centered at the correct place? Which traits are we are generally extreme at? For example- looking at your judgement/ decision making process- are you usually hasty, which would be considered exaggerating oneself (“hafraza”)? Always second guessing yourself and devaluing your opinion (“hachsara”)? The correct character would be in the middle, to have good judgement where you are fully perceiving the current situation at hand and obviously not mixing any personal baggage into it.
• It’s never about the external situation/circumstance, Its always about you, how you view yourself. The external is a trigger to do self work -Our sages teach us “כל הפוסל במומו פוסל”. The Baal Shem Tov repeatedly taught this to mean — that one who sees faults in others, really he himself has that fault. The “more” you see a fault in someone else, the more you have that particular fault or bad trait, etc. Why is it that some things bother you so much and not others? If something is causing you “omess”(as discussed earlier), it is a mirror to you that this is exactly where you need to work on yourself. All your life events and people you meet that cause you temporarily “omess”(=strain) are an opportunity for you to work on yourself.
• Finding the right balance for you (“diyuk”)- “Diyuk ” (=precision), means taking the precise action right for you. Each of us has a personal path in this world and we come to our path with different baggage. In “Shitat Yemima” we need to always ask ourselves a personal question - What is my “diyuk”? For example- is it right for me to volunteer twice a week at the old age home? At first glance, this may seem to cause selfishness, always thinking about yourself and your needs. But Yemima teaches: “I need to give to myself, in order to give to others”. Many women tend to think of others, while neglecting themselves. With “Diyuk”, you are giving yourself the opportunity to give at the precise amount that fits you without overwhelming you.
• Practice Makes Perfect (writing especially is essential)- “Shitat Yemima” isn’t just a class you go to once a week and learn interesting theories. It must be implemented in your daily life. Writing is an essential part of the implementation process. Throughout the week students write down (“melakhah”) personal reflections arising from material learned in the sessions or from life itself. Sharing such writings with the group leads to rich mutual gain.