20 Lessons I Learned by Age 30

Lessons I learned and hopefully will master over the next birthdays…

1. Don’t stop learning

Took me time to realize that everything I learnt in high school and college, is a glimpse of a proper education. If I want to be knowledgeable it’s up to me. The rest of my education lays entirely in my hands. I need to find my learning resources, take the time and learn.

2. Enjoy hobbies

Acting, dancing, yoga, singing, guitar, improvisation. Go for it! Every new world you enter, brings with it its unique terminology, possible new friendships and personal growth.

3. Be a good friend/spouse/sister/daughter

In my family sadly i’m considered the “technological” one. In most circles i’d be considered far from it :) I find myself getting calls on cell phone trouble/zoom meetings trouble shooting etc.. Do I enjoy it? no! But I do get satisfaction from helping a sibling or parent with the technological device. More importantly, I know that in the long run, these are the exchanges that will be remembered. I want to be that person who “always happily helped us with our computer/phone”…A meaningful life will always need to include doing good for others be it your family, friends, community etc..

4. Never stop striving for passion

I want to be passionate in my career, hobbies and relationships. Not that I expect every day to be perfect and exciting, but rather a more delicate passion where you know you’re thriving and in the best possible place for you.

5. Follow your envy

I used to think envy was a negative feeling. Now I realize it is actually a blessing. After reading a quote by Lori Gottlieab — “Follow your envy — it shows you what you want.” I was blown away by this quotes accuracy to me! For example, in college, I felt envious of two friends studying interesting courses in Industrial Engineering, while I was stuck in Physics! Lo and behold next semester I found myself with them in IE after switching faculties. This technique is truly a blessing in letting you discover what it is you want and what your next move should be.

6. Follow your interests

A great talk I heard by Elizabeth Gillbert. Not everyone is so lucky as to have a specific passion like she did to become a writer. Instead of feeling that intense pressure to find your “passion” that can be debilitating just follow your curiosity and see where it leads you.

7. Exercise

Crazy how some people are actually addicted to exercise while others can’t even get off the couch once a week. Try to find any type of exercise you enjoy (or at least tolerate:) minimum a few times a week for half hour at at time. According to “happiness” professor Tal Ben Shahar, not doing this has a similar effect like actually taking depressants.

8. Avoid eating Junk, but enjoy a dessert occasionally

A healthy diet is about moderation and self control. Allow myself to splurge occasionally with a special dessert… Occasionally!

9. Its never too late

I believe as we get older, we start believing this notion that it’s too late… “I already spent ten years in this ____, it’s too late to start all over again”, “Its too late now to study a new field”. This is true especially in our careers. I see in a lot of FB career groups discussions just like this. If we view our careers as a marathon spanning from age 20–80 we are much less likely to think this way.

10. Change is usually within

The focus should be on changing myself, the rest will work out. Usually its only ourselves we can really control. A year of learning a physchological method known as “Shitat Yemima”, taught me that the external world is really just a mirror to our internal world. This is not to say that we shouldn’t when necessary leave a job/relationship/location when it isn’t right for us, but generally most changes come from within. When the change isn’t from within, changing our circumstances wont really change anything about our reality.

11. The answers are also within

This one I’ve been struggling with, but recently started agreeing with my husband who claims this statement. I personally tend to seek out advice on every decision, big and small. I’ve come to a realization that although help is never a bad thing and sometimes we need that external tip/advice/ coach, the answers if we look well enough can be found within. Trust your inner self. Connect with this self. One of my favorite ted talks relates to this point while discussing the philosophy of success. In the last minute he points out the importance of being in tune with your own notion of success:

“…it’s worse to find out at the end of the journey that it isn’t in fact what you wanted all along… let’s make sure our ideas of success are truly our own”

12. Try to see every mistake as a lesson to be learned

If ever I’m very disappointed in myself for doing something I regret, I tell myself if I take this mistake and never do this action again or learn from it then it would have been completely worth it! Imagine getting a traffic ticket, and then because of the guilt and disappointment we are forever careful and never get one again! Totally worth it no? :)

13. Be thankful

Everything we have, (and frankly every single one of us has so much) is a gift. If it’s friends/ parents/ job/ spouse/ kids/health/food…Lacking in any field causes us understandably anguish and sadness. (may we all quickly find that which we are lacking!) Being thankful can help focus our prospective.

14. Get help with the kids!

Luckily my husband and I are in complete agreement on this. We love our kids very much, but we also want to have a date nights, careers, interests... Getting occasional help as needed has been one of the best lessons learnt!

15. Read books

Biographies, memoirs and novels fill your mind with new worlds. Since I discovered kindle (10 years late:) it has been love at first sight.

16. Study Torah

As a religious jew, I’ve learned the importance and value of studying Torah. Any weekly Torah learning gives me so much.

17. Growth-oriented instead of Goal-oriented

This video on ted resonated with me- a much softer way at looking at self improvement. Instead of feeling that we’re flawed, we should feel empowered at being in a growth process. Our system is built so that we want to grow and expand and sometimes this involves challenges and setbacks.

18. Live beneath your means

A valuable lesson I was brought up on. Living beneath your means/saving/investing gives you the freedom to make decisions that are right for you without the financial constraints. In the famous book rich dad poor dad he discusses how its not about how much money you make, but rather how much of it you keep(%) and how much you are able to make the money work for you.

19. “What would I do if I weren’t afraid”

Being fearful stops us from fulfilling our dreams. Sheryl Sandberg writes in her inspiring book Lean In, “Don’t let yourself off the hook by deciding that something is out of your reach, instead, ask yourself, ‘What would I do if I weren’t afraid?’” This quote inspired me to begin writing this blog. Don’t let fear stop you.

20. Enjoy the journey

“Life is about accepting the challenges along the way, choosing to keep moving forward, and savoring the journey.”
― Roy T. Bennett, The Light in the Heart